Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
