i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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