How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
