Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
