well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
