her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
