How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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