Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
