I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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