I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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