he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just high enough for therapy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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