A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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