He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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