her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
