I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
