Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
