Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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