Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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