I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
