At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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