Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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