It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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