no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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