Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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