Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
