We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
