I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
