it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
