My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
