we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize