I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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