:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
