How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
