I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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