i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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