i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
