Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
