ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
