there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
