weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
