he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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