Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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