erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
