He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
