Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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