last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
