You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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