Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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