saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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