So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
