I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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