dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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