yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
