Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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