I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
