I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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