Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
